The truth is that I think about having work done all the time. To myself and to my home. Part of me is glad I think about improving my looks and my environment. I feel like it’s a vote of confidence: Yes! We are both worth the investment!
And part of me wonders if I’m being negative to think that my body and my home need work.
I’m sure that both are true. Recently, I’ve looked at pictures of my old apartments and my old (young) self. I love them all. I love the way I looked. I loved where I lived.
Is that just the numbing effect of feeling nostalgic? I can clearly remember hating my dining room table and wishing for another body a few decades ago. Now I look back and I miss everything. Man, I would kill to have that body back.
I’ve started making lists of what needs help.
One list is about me. The other list is about my home.
Then I play this stupid game where I wonder which would get fixed first if I won the lottery. I’m guessing I’d fix the home first. Then I’d have a better place to spend my recovery time in.
One of my favorite movies is “Best Friends” (1982) with Goldie Hawn and Burt Reynolds. The movie is about a couple who has trouble getting married and then trouble staying married. I only just learned that the movie is semi-autobiographical. Barry Levinson, my favorite Baltimore movie director, was apparently in the midst of a break up from his wife during that time.
Anyway, the point is that Paula (Goldie Hawn’s character) has a scene with a best friend where they get a little tipsy and opine on why it might be that Paula fears marriage. Somewhere after a few drinks, Paula figures out that the only thing after marriage is death….and she fears death…so maybe if she skips marriage, she can skip death.
And possibly one of the reasons I now want to fix everything. If you always have a list of what needs fixing, your time can never come, right?
I won’t commit to any comments on the marriage part. I haven’t quite figured out my feelings about marriage.